Flight or Fight. I remember hearing and learning these words vividly in my intercultural classes at Houghton. Sometimes, you'll want to run the other way. The honeymoon, "This is all so new and different!" stage is long gone. The blinders are off. There are serious flaws in the system to make me want to take flight, and I'm aware of them, not ignoring them, and finding it hard not to be annoyed by them.
The Flaws: students that don't give a crap and teachers/principals that look like they are ignoring it because, "What can you do? You work within your limitations"...So, I'm supposed to just give them work to do in class that they have the answers to in their "GUIDE BOOKS" (it is not a guide book when it is giving you the exact answers to any and all questions, exam essay, etc) ?? These are students that are in the commerce stream. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think that we are here teaching English to exactly that demographic: those that will run businesses and the like. India makes English compulsory for exactly the students and future businessmen that these students will become. Yet, they don't care. In a class of 40 or so (these classes are smaller because their classmates that made up classrooms of 70 or 80 in standards 9 and 10 have dropped out) 3 or 4 students will attempt to do what looks to me like, appeasing the teacher. They don't like to see me marching to the principals office armed with a list of complaints and urges. They answer the questions to the best of their knowledge (with the help of their trusty guide books!!). I called on some boys in the back that seemed to have a lot to say, only none of it was pertaining to the class or directed towards me. The kid stood there for a few minutes, unable to read. I put up on the board, "I'm not here to embarrass you, I'm here to help you."
I want to give up on the 11th Standard hooligans. Yes, I did say hooligans.
Fight. Well, I could fight for them. I could fight against my emotions and keep pressing on. I could look forward to April when I'm back in the States to a different type of insanity that seems fairly placid from where I stand right now. I could go into that classroom on Thursdays and Fridays and love those obnoxious kids enough to keep doing it...I could do that.
I feeling the ups and downs more now than at the beginning. Recurring events are more obvious to me. It's easier to focus on the downs; maybe because they remind me how much work I have to do, how long it takes to accomplish some things, and that sometimes there is just nothing that one person can do; which is hard to accept for the dreamers and optimists in the world. But I guess I should recount the ups, because they are what is making it hard for me to imagine leaving come April.
Our clerks office is great. They are always helpful and I don't know how many letters I have taken to them to deliver to the post office for me and had them pay for it for me. A week ago they asked me if I would teach them English and of course I said yes because I really like these guys and they are always trying so hard to communicate with me. We had our first lesson on Friday, to great success. We worked on the WH questions. Saturday I came in to say good morning and get the key for the library and Chindan asked me where his lesson was for today! I walked out smiling. At least someone is excited to learn. And any teacher will tell you, that's what keeps you going. It's keeping me going at the start of another hectic, full, demanding week.
Meet my new students: The Clerks Office Class
